Cartman's Soulmate Search
by GoldenManekiNeko
Summary: After a failed attempt to get a girlfriend on Valentine's day, Cartman has the D.N.A in his bone marrow tested, in order to find his perfect match but what happens when he finds out that his supposed perfect match is Jewish? Cartman/O.C, Stan/Wendy, Kyle/Bebe and Kenny/Red.
1. Chapter 1

It was a bright, warm, sunny day in South Park Colorado as the birds were chirping and love was in the air. It was Valentine's Day, the day of love and everyone had someone else to share it with. Well, almost everyone; Stan was with his girlfriend: Wendy, Kenny had managed to hook up with Red, even Kyle had decided to start dating Bebe but Eric Cartman was still single and all alone on what was suppose to be a day of love. Valentine's Day often made Cartman bitter as it reminded him of how lonely he was. Cartman secretly longed for someone to love that would return his love as well but he knew he would never accomplish this desire.

He stood at the bus stop among his supposed 'friends' as he listened to them ramble on about how wonderful their girlfriends were until he just couldn't take it anymore.

"Aw, shut up about your stupid, smelly girlfriends already! You all sound like a bunch of fruity pansies right now!" Cartman snapped, momentarily silencing the others. He regretted doing so the very second the words flew out of his mouth however, as he knew that this would leave him open to a swarm of insults from his frenemies.

"Aw, shut up lardo! You're just jealous that you don't have a girlfriend!" Kyle spat.

"What?! I do too have a girlfriend, you stupid Jew!" Cartman lied. He didn't know why he always had to lie to his friends like that. This would be the iPad incident all over again.

"What?! No, you don't!" Stan retorted.

"Yuhuh! I do! You just haven't met 'er yet!" Cartman argued.

"Oh yeah?! then let's see her tomorrow, after school!" Kyle challenged as Kenny backed him up with a few muffled remarks.

"Fine!" Cartman agreed as the bus finally arrived to pick them all up. Cartman mentally kicked himself as he took his usual seat at the back of the bus, away from the other children. Where on Earth was he going to find a girl that would want to date him in time for tomorrow? All the girls at school hated him and thought he was disgusting.

That's when it hit him; all the girls at school hated him because they knew who he was and what he was like. Maybe if he put up a false representative and decided to date a girl from South Park Elementary's rivaling school, who didn't know him at all yet. Yeah, that plan just might work. Later in the day: Cartman went home and changed into his tuxedo, combed his hair to look all nice and clean and practically showered himself in cologne. A Grinch-like grin spread across Cartman's countenance as he admired his appearance in the mirror. He looked pretty decent for an overweight boy; now all that was left was his representative.

He would have to charm and win over his unsuspecting victim and he knew for a fact that anyone, no matter their weight could get a girl with the right amount of charming and seduction. He arrived at Middle Park Elementary, where his longtime crush: Patty Nelson would be emerging from soon. Since Cartman had been secretly stalking her for a while now, he knew for a fact that Patty stayed behind late for cheerleading practice. Patty slowly made her way out of the school, enjoying the calm, cool, peaceful night when a voice startled her out of her thoughts.

"Hello beautiful..." Patty turned to see the well-groomed and cleaned-up Eric Cartman standing beneath the light of the streetlamp. He smirked at her seductively as he leaned against the streetlamp's pole in a cool and smooth manner. Patty stared at him in confusion as she recognized him as the South Park Elementary school's quarterback but never had he looked so handsome and smooth to her before. Patty attempted to reply but was silenced by Cartman putting a finger over her mouth and shushing her.

Patty blushed as Cartman moved his hand down to her shoulder and gently brushed it along her exposed arm, down to her hand, before taking ahold of it. He then began to slow dance with her until they reached the schoolyard. They briefly separated from each other while still grasping hands as the school's security light came on, creating a sort of a spotlight for the two. The wind blew their hair gently as Patty's face lit up and her jaw dropped in surprise and amazement Cartman couldn't help but nervously grin to himself as he knew that his plan was working. He pulled Patty back into his embrace and the two continued to slow dance, Before he got her into the dip position and passionately kissed her on the lips.

When Cartman pulled away, he looked down to see a lovestruck Patty grinning goofily back up at him. He couldn't help but smirk to himself as he now knew that his plan had worked. His longtime crush had now become his girlfriend. He couldn't wait to rub her in Kyle's face tomorrow. The next day: Stan, Kyle, Kenny and their respective girlfriends all waited for Cartman to arrive with his supposed, significant other.

"Where is he?! He should have been here by now!" Stan complained as Kenny paced about impatiently.

"I knew that fat lard was lying!" Kyle exclaimed with a laugh as Kenny mumbled in agreement.

"Hello simpletons..." Cartman smirked as he arrived with Patty Nelson clinging to his arm, much to everyone else's surprise.

"This is my girlfriend: Patty Nelson, incase you haven't already met..." Cartman smirked.

"WHAT?!" Was all Kyle could bring himself to say. Never in all his life did he think that Cartman would ever be capable of having a girlfriend.

"We met outside my school; he's quite the charmer." Patty giggled with a blush.

"Cartman is?!" Kyle asked in disbelief. There had to be some kind of catch.

"Yes, he practically swept me off my feet." Patty swooned as Cartman smirked over as his surprised friends and their girlfriends, who were equally surprised.

"Cartman did?" Kyle once again asked in disbelief. He was starting to see through Cartman's charade and he was determined to find a way to snap poor Patty out of the trance Cartman had put her in if it would be the last thing he would ever do.

"Well, we'd love to stick around and chat with you simple-minded children but me and m'lady have a late-evening movie to catch..." Cartman smirked before dipping Patty and once again kissing her passionately on the lips to stick it to his doubting friends and their girlfriends. He and Patty then took their leave but not before Cartman gave her a firm smack on the rear-end, sending a pleasured chill up her spine.

"I can't believe it...Cartman actually did it...Eric Cartman actually got himself a girlfriend..." Stan murmured to himself, in disbelief.

"Well, he seemed to be more polite around her; maybe he won't be a jerk to us when she's around..." Wendy remarked.

"Something fishy's going on here and I'm gonna find out what...No girl in their right mind would ever wanna date Cartman! I'm gonna go talk to her..." Kyle explained but Stan took ahold of his green-gloved hand, before Kyle was able to take his leave as the red-headed, Jewish boy glanced back over at him in confusion.

"No, Kyle wait, I think we should leave Cartman alone this time..." Stan warned.

"What?! Why?!" Kyle complained.

"Well, he seems really happy with her and she seems happy with him too for some, strange reason...plus, every time you get involved in one of Cartman's schemes, it always causes this whole chain of events that becomes out of control...I really think we should stay out of it this time..." Stan explained.

"Okay..." Kyle agreed with a sigh of defeat as he crossed his fingers behind his back. He was going to get to the bottom of things and he was going to save Patty Nelson from Cartman, whether Stan liked it or not.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	2. Cartman Feels A Spark

The next day was a particularly colder day as the wind blew the already-falling snowflakes into Kyle's face. Kyle winced as he struggled to make his way through the knee-deep snow, all the while also struggling to carry his heavy schoolbooks. The snowflakes pierced his skin like needles with its unforgiving, frozen points, making it hard for the Jewish boy to see where he was going. Through the icy blades, he could vaguely make out his longtime rival: Eric Theodor Cartman as he held Patty Nelson close to the warmth of his large, soft body. Kyle stopped in his tracks, before disapprovingly watching as the couple stopped in front of Patty's school.

The two shared a brief kiss on the lips, before Cartman continued on his way to his own school. Now was Kyle's chance to talk some sense into Patty as he angrily made his way over to the young girl. Patty was still watching after Cartman longingly when Kyle approached her and gave her a gentle tap on the shoulder, to get her attention.

"So, you and Cartman; huh?" He asked casually once Patty had turned around to face him.

"Oh yes...Isn't he just wonderful?" Patty cooed with a lovestruck sigh.

"No, he's not! What do you see in that fat turd anyway?!" Kyle questioned as Patty appeared offended by this remark toward her current boyfriend.

"Not all boys have to be thin and hunky; I happen to like Eric for his sweet and charming personality, not for his looks..." Patty firmly explained as she held back any inner urges to strike Kyle, in order to defend Cartman's honor.

"He may act that way around you but that's not what he's really like! Cartman is a sexist, racist cruel-spirited, fat turd and you would be smart to get out of this relationship before it's too late!" Kyle explained but Patty stood her ground.

"Where's your proof?" She asked skeptically as she folded her arms over her chest in disapproval at Kyle's accusations.

"You want proof?! I'll show you proof!" Kyle promised as he pulled out his iPhone to pull up the school's gossip website. On this website, he showed Patty a video labeled: Eric Cartman Is The School Bully? In this video, Patty saw Cartman bullying Kenny for being poor, bullying Kyle for being Jewish and bullying Wendy for being a girl.

Patty grew angrier as the clips progressed. How could Cartman be so cruel and why would he lie to her about it?

"Cartman isn't the nice guy you think he is...You should get out now, before he drops his representative..." Kyle informed her in a serious tone but then smirked to himself in the satisfaction that he had foiled yet another one of Cartman's schemes as he walked away from her. When Kyle had finally arrived at the school he attended, he couldn't help but notice that the school's basement door was ajar and decided to see what was going on. Once he reached the bottom of the basement's staircase, he noticed that Mr. Mackey fondling around with the school's electrical panel. Mr. Mackey gave up on trying to fix the electrical panel himself when sparks began to fly from it.

"What's going on Mr. Mackey?" Kyle couldn't help but ask as he maintained a cautious distance away from the now-sparking electrical panel.

"We seem to be having a few technical difficulties; m'kay? They seem to be out of my control so I'm gonna have to call in some repairmen to come and fix it; m'kay? Stay here and keep an eye on the electrical panel for me; m'kay?" Mr. Mackey instructed, before heading out of the basement and irresponsibly leaving an eight year old child in charge of a malfunctioning electrical panel.

"Um...Okay..." Kyle hesitantly agreed. He didn't exactly want to stay in the same room with a malfunctioning electrical panel but it would get him out of classes so he took a seat on the floor, a good distance away from the electrical panel and began texting Stan and Bebe to pass the time. Meanwhile, Cartman was walking along the school's corridors to his next class when he accidentally bumped into Stan's girlfriend: Wendy Testaburger.

"Ow! Watch where you're goin' ya stupid whore!" Cartman snapped as he was unaware that Patty was angrily approaching him. Patty stopped in her tracks, however and hid behind a row of lockers so she could eavesdrop on the conversation that was beginning to take place.

"I'm sorry! Geez!" Wendy rolled her eyes as she began to pick up the school books she had dropped when she had accidentally bumped into Cartman.

"What is wrong with you?! Ya just about knocked the wind outta me! What?! Your little victory on the playground wasn't enough?! Ya had to go and humiliate me in the hallway too?!" Cartman growled.

"Oh my gosh! Are you still mad about that?! That was almost three years ago! Why can't you just let that go?! You've already destroyed my reputation with your morning announcements and you've even stolen my school presidency right out from under me!

Are you that insecure?! What is your problem?!" Wendy snapped as she attempted to reason with the overweight Nazi.

"My problem is havin' to look at your fat, ugly ass all day! Now get outta my sight!" Cartman roared. Wendy normally would have challenged him to another fight but since he was school president now, she couldn't touch him. Instead she just burst into frustrated tears and ran to the girl's bathroom, crying as Cartman smirked to himself in satisfaction.

"Eric Cartman!" Patty shouted, gaining Cartman's attention as she angrily stormed over to him. She was utterly disgusted by what she had just seen her soon-to-be ex boyfriend do and she was fully ready to confront him for his actions.

"Patty! Oh, thank goodness! I missed ya so much my darling! Come here so we can..." Cartman began as he approached Patty to give her a hug and a kiss but he stopped mid-sentence when she backed away from him in disgust.

"Eric, what on Earth was that?!" Patty exclaimed angrily as Cartman stared at her in confusion.

"Huh?" He questioned her unusual behavior as he had no idea that Kyle had, had a word with her or that she had just seen the conversation that had taken place between him and Wendy.

"I saw everything! You completely tore that poor girl apart!" Patty scolded.

"Poor girl?!" Cartman growled but then his tone changed to a much more pathetic once as he attempted to manipulate Patty into feeling sorry for him.

"You have no idea what she's like; she is so mean to me and she nearly knocked the wind out of me...Anyways, now let's go and..." Cartman explained, before quickly trying to change the subject but was once again cut off by Patty.

"Eric! That was an accident! Why did you have to completely destroy her like that?! How could you be so cruel?!" Patty growled.

"Darling, I'm sorry; okay? I've just been really stressed out lately..." Cartman admitted and that wasn't a lie; it's not exactly like Cartman lived an easy life after all; with the all of the constant judgement he had been receiving on a daily bases.

"I don't care if you're stressed out, Eric! That was just plain mean; you know? I've been hearing some things about you and I didn't want to believe them..." Patty began.

"What kind of things? From who?" Cartman asked skeptically as he narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Patty's newfound cruelty toward him had Kyle written all over it.

"From a nice, little boy with a green hat." Patty replied. Cartman knew it; Kyle did have something to do with this.

"Kyle?! And you're gonna take his word for it?! Patty, that kid hates me!" Cartman explained.

"Well, with the way you've been acting, I can see why! Who are you?! What happen to the boy I fell in love with?!" Patty screamed.

"He's right here..." Cartman stated darkly, on the verge of tears as his voice began to crack.

"Really? Because I don't see him...Goodbye Eric..." Patty spat as she angrily stormed off. Cartman huffed angrily and wiped the tears from his eyes, before immediately storming off to find Kyle and give him a piece of his mind. That was when he bumped into Stan.

"Where's Kyle?!" He demanded, causing Stan to flinch.

"Whoa dude! Last I heard, he was in the basement. What's this all...?" Stan began but Cartman only stormed right past him once he had gotten the information that he needed and descended down into the school's basement.

"You! What'd ya do, ya stupid Jew?!" Cartman shouted once he spotted Kyle.

"What? What are you ranting about now?!" Kyle questioned as he stood up and turned around to face Cartman.

"Patty just dumped me because of you! Why do ya do these things to me, Kyle?! Why is it so important for you to make my life miserable!" Cartman yelled.

"Oh please, I know you were just using Patty for your own personal gain! You're just mad because I foiled another one of your get-rich-quick schemes!" Kyle retorted when he received a text from Stan, warning him that Cartman was coming his way and that he was angry with him about something.

"Put that phone down when I'm talkin' to you, Jew!" Cartman snapped as he aggressively smacked the phone from Kyle's hand and it landed near the sparking electrical panel.

"Cartman! Do you know how dangerous this is?! Look as this thing; it's literally sparking!" Kyle exclaimed as he approached the electrical panel to retrieve his phone.

"I ain't done with you yet, Jew!" Cartman growled as he firmly took ahold of Kyle's arm.

"Let go of me!" Kyle demanded as he shoved Cartman away from himself, accidentally shoving him into the live electrical panel. Kyle watched in horror as his frenemy: Cartman was electrocuted at high voltage until the overweight boy eventually collapsed to the floor from a minor heart-attack, caused by the electrocution.

"Oh my gosh, Cartman! Cartman?! Somebody help me!" Kyle cried out as he kneeled down next to Cartman's unconscious body and began to feel him for a pulse.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	3. So Close to Sweet, Blissful Death

"Oh gosh! Oh gosh! This is really bad! This is so bad!" Kyle panicked to himself as he paced about the school's basement anxiously.

What had he done? Had he just killed Cartman? Could he go to jail for this? Kyle watched worriedly as The Paramedics rushed in to Cartman's aid, followed by a very concerned Stan.

"Holy crap, dude!" Stan gasped once he saw Cartman's lifeless body lying on the basement floor. His skin was a disturbingly-pale, bright-white color and his lips were a sickly shade of ice-blue as The Paramedics surrounded him and began attempting to revive him.

"Kyle, what the Hell happened?!" Stan panicked as his best friend: Kyle frantically clung to him for comfort.

"It was so horrible! It was an accident; I swear!" Kyle sobbed.

"Whoa, slow down...What happened?" Stan asked in a much calmer tone as he tried in vain to regain his composure.

"W-Well, I talked to Patty a-and apparently she dumped Cartman after what I said a-and Cartman tried to get physical with me and he grabbed my arm a-and I pushed him and he fell into the electrical panel!" Kyle frantically explained through sobs.

"You pushed Cartman near a live electrical panel?! Dude, what the Hell's wrong with you?!" Stan snapped.

"I-I didn't mean for him to fall into it! I was just trying to get him off of me!" Kyle tearfully defended.

"Wait, hold on...Did you literally just say that you talked to Patty after I told you to stay out of it this time?!" Stan growled as he pinched the bridge of his nose, out of frustration.

"W-Well, yeah but Stan, I had to I..." Kyle began, only to be cut off by Stan.

"Dude, you never listen to me! I told you to stay out of it! I told you it would get too out of hand and now look what happened! Cartman could die because of you and I know he's a jerk sometimes but he's still our friend, dammit!" Stan scolded.

"I know and I'm sorry! I feel awful!" Kyle sobbed as Cartman's spirit watched in amusement. Cartman looked over at his pale and lifeless body. He knew he was dead but he didn't care.

Now, he could finally leave that fallen, flawed world and go home, to Heaven, to live with the only father he's ever truly known, where he really belonged and best of all; Kyle would get what he rightfully deserved and would get sent to prison for his murder. All things truly did work together for good for those who really loved God. Cartman looked up toward the Heavens as a light shined down upon him from above and he began to float within the light. He smiled happily and laughed blissfully as a feeling of ecstasy began to overwhelm him and his body gradually began to shrink down to a much, more thinner and attractive-looking size. It was finally all over: the teasing, the physical-beatings, the hatred, the cruel pranks would all finally be over for him.

When he reached Heaven, it was just as beautiful as he had imagined it would be. There were animals of every kind, the dangerous animals that would normally eat smaller, helpless animals were eating grass, out in the fields, like cattle and children his age were playing all around them. There were bright-green, grassy fields that stretched out for miles, clean, clear, beautiful lakes, fresh fruits on every tree and even on some bushes. The sky was always bright and beautiful and there were numerous rainbows in the sky in every direction he looked in. Cartman even recognized a few of his deceased relatives.

"Eric Theodore Cartman..." That all-too familiar voice that boomed like thunder but was still as gentle as the rains spoke up, gaining Cartman's attention. The young boy looked up as The Lord stood tall over him, his face was brighter than the sun and his eyes were all of the colors of the rainbows that surrounded the Heavens.

"Y-Yes, my Father?" Cartman removed his sock-hat and kneeled down respectfully before his Father.

"You have to go back; it is not your time yet..." The Lord explained.

"B-But I don't wanna go back...It's so h-horrible down there...I wanna stay here, with you..." Cartman sobbed as tears began to stream down his cheeks.

"I still have a purpose for you on Earth, beloved...Though you may not feel like you are important on Earth, you are...You are just as important to me as all of my other children are and you do have a purpose on that fallen world..." The Lord explained.

"Yes Father..." Cartman sniffled but then he remembered a question that he needed to ask his Father before he left.

"Father? Will I ever find...The One?" He asked.

"Of course, beloved; I've made someone for everyone." The Lord chuckled softly.

"Well, can ya tell me how to find her?" Cartman begged.

"And so I said: it is not good for man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him then I caused the man to fall into a deep sleep and while he was sleeping, I took one of the man's ribs and then closed up the place with flesh then I made a woman from the rib that I had taken out of the man..." The Lord explained, before touching a finger to the area, where Cartman's ribcage was located.

"What's that supposed to...?" Cartman began, before he was abruptly sent back down into his own body. As The Paramedics used C.P.R on Cartman and even attempted to shock him back to life, Cartman's body twitched slightly then gasped for air as it slowly began to regain its color.

"We got a pulse!" One of The Paramedics shouted out to the other Paramedics, much to Stan and Kyle's relief. Cartman was then strapped to a gurney and rushed to The Hospital. When Mr. Mackey heard the news about what had happened to Cartman, school was closed early and Stan, Kyle and Kenny's parents all picked them up and took them to The Hospital, to get an update on Cartman's condition. When they had all arrived at The Hospital, Liane Cartman: Cartman's mother was of course already there, pacing about the waiting-room, anxiously.

"Oh! My poor, little Eric! My poor poopsykins! Oh! My poor baby!" Liane sobbed, before turning to glare at Mr. Mackey.

"YOU! You put my baby in The Hospital!" Liane shrieked, before lunging at Mr. Mackey but luckily for him, Randy and Sheila: Stan's Father and Kyle's Mother held her back.

"I-It was an accident; M'kay, Mrs. Cartman?! I didn't mean for Eric to get hurt; m'kay?!" Mr. Mackey defended. Liane knew for a fact that, that was a lie as Mr. Mackey had nearly killed Cartman by purposely throwing him underneath a moving, school bus once, to protect his own reputation. Liane figured that he had probably set her son up to purposely be electrocuted as well and she would be calling The Police on him for this incident this time.

Liane was interrupted from her motherly rage when The Doctor emerged from The Emergency Room that Cartman was currently resting in as she rushed over to him worriedly, along with the others.

"How is he, Doctor?! Is my baby okay?!" Liane panicked.

"There's no easy way to say this, Mrs. Cartman but there's a fifty-fifty chance that your son might not make it out of this alive and we won't know much more until he wakes up. He could have: possible organ failure, muscle damage or even brain damage." The Doctor explained.

"What are you saying, Doc'?" Kyle asked somberly as Liane was now on the verge of tears.

"I'm saying that Eric is in Critical Condition..." The Doctor solemnly explained as Liane burst into tears. Sharon and Sheila were quick to comfort her but this didn't do her any good.

"Are you proud of yourself, Kyle?! Is this what you wanted to happen?! Our friend is in there, fighting for his life right now and it's all because you couldn't listen to me and just leave him alone for once!" Stan snapped. He was so sick and tired of things like this happening between Cartman and Kyle because it would always affect him somehow.

"Stan, I didn't do this on purpose! You gotta believe me!" Kyle frantically begged.

"I told you to stay away from him, Kyle! Do you know you could go to jail for this, if he dies?!" Stan scolded. Now he was sure that he would be losing two friends in one day and this completely destroyed him on the inside. Kyle began to cry softly as he was now beginning to realize the severity of the situation.

No matter how much Stan, Kyle and Kenny acted like they didn't care about Cartman, he was still a big part of their lives and he was still their friend. They really did care about him and it would secretly crush them all to lose him. Life just wouldn't feel complete without Cartman in it. When Cartman had finally come to, he had awoken to find his mother and one of The Doctors standing over him with equal looks of concern.

"M-Mom?" Cartman groaned as he attempted to sit up but he was gently forced back down by one of The Doctors.

"I'm sorry, son but you can't get up right now; you're still very weak and we still need to run a few tests on you while you're awake..." The Doctor explained. Cartman nodded understandingly, before correctly answering all of the typical, mind-test questions, like: what his name was, who was the president and how many days were in a week. The Doctor then left, giving Cartman some time alone with his mother and giving Cartman some time to think as the young boy pondered about what The Lord had meant by the riddle-like information he had given to him during his near-death experience. It was then that Cartman realized what The Lord had meant as he ran a hand a long his ribcage and counted the amount of ribs he had, only to discover that they were not in an even number on both sides.

"Eric? How are you feeling, poopsykins?" Liane asked, in concern, gaining Cartman's attention.

"Oh, a little sore but other than that, I'm okay..." Cartman replied as the gears in his mind began to turn, giving him an idea. He was then once again distracted by the sound of Mr. Mackey being arrested by The Police.

"Let go of me; m'kay?! I didn't do it on purpose; m'kay?!" Mr. Mackey begged as he was handcuffed and lead to The Police Car, out, in front of The Hospital.

"Mom, what's happening to Mr. Mackey?" Cartman asked curiously as he was beginning to get another idea.

"Oh, you won't have to worry about the bad man anymore, poopsykins; he's going to be going to be put in jail for a very long time for hurting you." Liane explained.

"But it wasn't his fault I got hurt, Mom; it was all Kyle; he's the one that pushed me into the electrical panel, he's the real dangerous one that wants to hurt me..." Cartman explained, in a pitiful tone so his mother would feel even worse for him than she already did at the moment. If he was going to succeed in finding the true love of his life, then he would need to make sure that Kyle would be out of the way so that he would no longer be able to interfere with his love-life.

"What?! Mommy will be right back, sweetie!" Liane reassured, before rushing out of Cartman's Hospital Room, to catch up with The Police Offers. Cartman grinned to himself as he rubbed his hands together. He would make sure that God's plan for him flawlessly came together without a person, like Kyle getting in the way of it all.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	4. No Harm, No Foul

Kyle paced around the waiting room nervously as he, Stan, Kenny and all of their parents waited to hear about an update about Cartman's current condition. Their concerned thoughts were interrupted, however when Liane rushed out of The Emergency Room, to catch up with the police officers, followed by the rather somber-looking doctor.

"Well, how is he?" Kyle asked worriedly as Stan, Kenny and all of the other parents stood up, in anticipation.

"Well fortunately, he came to and he seems to be doing just fine now. He just needs to rest for a couple of days and he'll be back to his normal self in no time." The doctor explained with a serious demeanor.

"Oh, thank goodness!" Kyle breathed a sigh of relief as he collapsed into one of the waiting room's chairs from exhaustion.

"Yeah, thank goodness...Cartman's really lucky to be alive..." Stan sternly agreed as he took a seat next to Kyle.

"Yeah, I know..." Kyle panted.

"Okay dude, are we seriously gonna pretend like all that didn't just happen?!" Stan growled.

"What are you talking about, dude?!" Kyle gasped, in confusion.

"I'm talking about the fact that Cartman wouldn't even be in here if you hadn't ignored me and gotten involved in his love life in the first place!" Stan snapped.

"He was using her, Stan and I already told you that I didn't mean to hurt him! He was grabbing my arm and I pushed him! I could have ended up in The Hospital instead if it had've been the other way around!" Kyle argued as he angrily hopped down from his chair and took a few steps away from Stan with a scowl plastered across his countenance.

"I told you to stay away, Kyle! I told you to stay out of it! I warned you that it would get too out of hand but you wouldn't listen to me!" Stan reminded as he stood up from his seat, to follow Kyle.

"I said I was sorry; okay?! What more do you want from me?!" Kyle snapped as he turned around, to face Stan.

"Sorry? Sorry?! Kyle, Cartman almost died because of you; I don't think sorry's gonna cut it!" Stan explained.

"What are you saying, Stan?" Kyle asked, in a worried tone.

"I'm saying that you really screwed things up this time, dude...Cartman's probably not even gonna wanna see you here! What if he decides to press charges?!" Stan replied as he threw his hands up in the air, out of frustration.

"Oh, please Stan; what could fatso possibly charge me with?!" Kyle asked as he threw his arms up in the air, out of frustration as well.

"A restraining order..." Officer Harrison Harris Yates answered Kyle's rhetorical question as he entered the hospital's waiting room, followed by Cartman's angry and protective-looking mother.

"W-What?" Kyle gasped as he was barely able to speak. The utter shock and trauma of the situation had knocked the wind out of him.

"A restraining order that says you're not to come within six-hundred feet of Eric Theodore Cartman..." Officer Yates repeated himself as he showed Kyle the restraining order.

"What?! You can't do that; how is Kyle gonna go to school?!" Sheila complained.

"He'll just have to attend his classes online..." Officer Yates explained.

"This is so unfair! Why can't Cartman just drop out of school?! He's failing all of his classes anyway! At least I actually try hard in school!" Kyle complained.

"Because you're the one, who committed the offense; therefore, you have to be the one to stay away from Eric..." Officer Yates explained, before exiting the hospital. Stan was now beginning to feel sympathy for Kyle as he knew that something like this was going to happen to him if he were to interfere with Cartman's relationship. He wasn't going to scold Kyle for it any longer though as he felt that his point had finally gotten across to Kyle.

"Kyle...It's gonna be okay, dude..." Stan reassured as he placed a comforting hand on Kyle's shoulder but Kyle only snatched his shoulder away from Stan as he turned around, to face him.

"No...No! Cartman can't keep me from going to school! I actually care about my grades! I've put way too much time and effort into my grades!" Kyle snapped.

"Kyle, Cartman has a restraining order; okay? You can't come within six-hundred feet of him. Now, let's get you away from his hospital room, before you get yourself into anymore trouble with him and let's go get all of your stuff out of your locker..." Stan calmly explained as he now saw that the restraining order wasn't clicking within Kyle's mind. He then began to lead Kyle toward the hospital's exit but Kyle once again snatched himself away from Stan.

"No! I'm not removing anything of mine from that school, including myself!" Kyle retorted.

"Look, dude; why don't you just go home and take some time to cool off? I'll get your stuff for you..." Stan offered as he approached the hospital's exit but then he suddenly stopped and turned around to face Kyle with a look of suspicion.

"And stay away from Cartman..." He warned, before he left. Meanwhile, Liane returned to Cartman's hospital room and took a seat next to his hospital bed.

"Everything's taken care of poopsykins; you don't have to worry about that mean-ol', Kyle boy anymore..." Liane reassured as she placed a hand over her son's hand.

"Thanks, Mom but there is one more thing that's botherin' me..." Cartman sniffled pitifully as he attempted to manipulate his mother.

"What is it poopsykins?" Liane asked, out of concern as she once again fell for her son's tricks.

"Well mom, Kyle made my girlfriend, Patty Nelson break up with me and now I'm lonely; can I please have my bone marrow tested so I can find my perfect match, made in Heaven, the girl, who has my missing rib, like Adam and Eve?" Cartman pitifully begged.

"Of course, poopsykins; anything for you..." Liane agreed, before rushing out of his hospital room, to get one of The Doctors. Cartman couldn't help but grin his infamous, Grinch-like grin again as he knew that God's plan for him was now coming together perfectly. Now, he would be able to have a girlfriend that Kyle couldn't take away from him, no matter what he told her because she would be his perfect match. So, the doctor's tested Cartman's bone marrow and searched desperately for a match.

Cartman and his mother waited for what seemed like hours until one of the doctors had finally returned to the hospital room to deliver the news to Cartman.

"Well, did you find a match?" Liane asked.

"It wasn't easy but yes we did...Eric? Say hello to Margo." The doctor announced as a little girl, roughly around Cartman's age with short, brown, curly hair that had blonde highlights in it, a teal, double-breasted coat and tan, stockings with black boots entered the room with a small, warm smile plastered across her countenance.

"She's beautiful..." Cartman grinned with a lovestruck sigh after he took a moment to examine her appearance.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	5. Yandere and the Nazi

Margo smiled shyly as she made her way over to Cartman's hospital bed. The overweight-Nazi sat upright with a small smile as the young girl made herself comfortable at the foot of his bed.

"Hello there. My name is Margo McCartney; what's your name?" Margo struck up a conversation with her arranged, blind date as she smiled sweetly.

"E-Eric, Eric Cartman." Cartman shyly gulped with a blush.

"Well, we'll give you kids some privacy." Liane winked as she left the room with Cartman's doctor.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." The doctor joked, before he and Liane exited the room.

"So it doesn't bother ya?" Cartman decided to ask, once his mother and doctor had left the room.

"Pardon me?" Margo questioned out of confusion at the vague, random question.

"It doesn't bother ya that I'm...fat?" Cartman asked with a small blush of embarrassment.

"What ya look like does't matter to me, Eric...Besides, I didn't think ya were fat; I just thoughtcha were big-boned." Margo replied gently.

"Good, 'cause if ya call me fat one time, you'll either be judged by twelve or carried by six..." Cartman threatened. The two children then burst into laughter as Margo now assumed that Cartman was joking.

"I'm serious..." Cartman suddenly growled in a serious tone, silencing Margo's laughter and provoking a fearful expression from her. At least Margo knew what one of her new lover's pet peeves was. The two spent the rest of the night talking about what they liked and didn't like.

"Then his parents came home and beat him up!" Cartman finished telling Margo the story about the time he pretended to be Butters over the phone and insult his parents as he and Margo both shared a laugh over the story.

"Well, that's enough about me; tell me a story about yourself." Cartman grinned, wanting to know more about his future wife. Things were already going well between the two and they were really beginning to hit it off with each other.

"About me?" Margo asked nervously as she thought for a while about a good story to tell to her new boyfriend. Like Cartman, she too had bad experiences with love in the past and feared that telling Cartman about any of them would scare him away as well.

"Just tell me anything; I don't judge." Cartman reassured. Margo figured it would be a good idea to tell him one of her stories from the past as a test to prove his loyalty to her. If he really was her perfect match, then he would understand.

"W-Well, this one time, about a year ago at school, there was this guy I liked and I tried really hard to be nice to him. I would bring him candy and slices of cake but he would always throw them away when he thought I wasn't lookin' then one day he just told me that I was bein' creepy and to stay away from him...Then he got a restrainin' order against me..." Margo told one of her saddest stories to Cartman as tears began to stream down her cheeks. This was a panful memory for her. She then gasped lightly in surprise when she felt Cartman pull her into a warm, gentle embrace.

"That's awful! What a douche bag! Who the Hell has a problem with a girl bein' nice to him and bringin' him free sweets?!" Cartman complained as he tightened his embrace on Margo a bit.

"I-I don't know but it's in the past now..." Margo smiled gently as she hugged Cartman back. Now she knew that it was meant to be. She then got an idea.

"Speakin' of cake, I think they're servin' some in the cafeteria; would ya like me to buy ya a slice?" Margo offered with a sweet smile.

"I'd love that." Cartman happily agreed as Margo kissed him on the forehead, before leaving the hospital room. Kyle waited until he saw Margo leave. He mentally questioned what that little girl was doing in Cartman's room but he just automatically assumed that she was one of Cartman's cousins, paying him a visit against her will, before entering the room to confront his rival about the restraining order he had placed on him.

"Cartman?! We need to talk!" Kyle shouted as he stormed into Cartman's hospital room, against Stan's wishes.

"K-Kyle?! Y-You're not suppose to be in here Kyle...I've got a restrainin' order against ya, Kyle!" Cartman shouted with obvious fear in his voice. After Kyle had nearly killed him, he felt legitimate fear whenever he saw the Jewish boy now.

"I know! Who the Hell do you think you are?! I need to go to school, Cartman! You have to lift this restraining order, right now!" Kyle demanded. His hostile tone was only adding to Cartman's fear as the overweight-Nazi frantically searched around the room for something to defend himself with.

It was then that he noticed the panic button he could press to obtain assistance from one of the nurses on his bedside table.

"Kyle, ya need to leave now!" Cartman ordered as he reached over to press the button on his side table but much to his and Kyle's horror, he fell out of his hospital bed, yanking all of the I.V. and life support tubes out of his skin as he landed onto the cold, hard floor, hitting his head and knocking himself unconscious.

"Oh my gosh! Cartman!" Kyle gasped as he rushed over to Cartman's aid and began trying to wake him up.

"I wasn't sure what kind of cake ya liked so I gotcha one of each." Margo announced as she reentered Cartman's hospital room with a tray full of assorted cakes. She then shrieked in horror when she saw her new boyfriend lying unconscious and bleeding on the floor with Kyle standing over him as she dropped the tray, full of cakes.

"N-No! No! It's not what you think!" Kyle defended when Margo rushed over to him and punched him in the face, hard enough to send him flying across the room and into the wall, away from Cartman.

"You get away from my Eric!" She screeched, before pressing the panic button on Cartman's bedside table.

"Your Eric?! Wait..." Kyle began as it was beginning to become obvious that Margo was not Cartman's cousin and that she was definitely not visiting him against her will.

"I said get away from him!" Margo shrieked as she snatched Cartman's bedpan, full of urine off of the foot of Cartman's hospital bed and threw it at Kyle, drenching him completely in Cartman's urine. Kyle screamed in horror and disgust, before quickly running out of the room as Margo rushed over to Cartman's aid, while waiting for the nurses.

"Eric?! Eric, please speak to me!" Margo begged as the nurses finally arrived to assist Cartman.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	6. The Broken Restraints

When the doctors had finally managed to get Cartman back into his hospital bed and hook all of his I.V. and life support tubes back into his arms, They ran a few tests on him to be sure that he did not have a concussion from the fall he had taken. Fortunately, Cartman did not suffer from a concussion or any brain damage but his mother and Margo were informed that he would be unconscious for a couple of hours.

"Oh! My poor baby!" Liane sobbed as she paced about the hospital room frantically.

"Don't worry, Eric; I won't let that mean, little boy hurt ya ever again..." Margo promised as she took Cartman's hand in hers.

"What did this 'mean, little boy' look like, dearie?" Liane questioned suspiciously since Margo's statement had earned her full attention.

"He had a big, green hat with ear-flaps and he wore an orange coat." Margo explained. Liane knew right away who had harmed her son from the description Margo had given her as she rushed out of the hospital room to phone the police about the situation. Meanwhile, Kyle frantically scrubbed his enemy's urine from his skin while he showered. Once he felt like he was clean enough, he turned off the shower and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waste, panting heavily all the while as he made his way downstairs.

A knock on the door distracted him out of his thoughts as he answered the door to his best friend, Stan, who had come over to bring him his books out of his former locker.

"Hey dude, I got all your stuff." Stan announced as he set the books down on Kyle's coffee table.

"Thanks..." Kyle nervously squeaked out.

"You okay, dude? You look all freaked out...Are you still upset about that restraining order?" Stan asked as he placed a hand on Kyle's shoulder out of concern. Kyle merely shook his head in response as he shamefully refused to make eye-contact with his best friend.

"Aw dude, please tell me you didn't go and bother Cartman, after I told you not to!" Stan growled. He was immediately beginning to pick up on Kyle's suspicious behavior.

"I-I'm sorry, Stan..." Kyle apologized. He knew that Stan had to be annoyed with him by now.

"Aw, dude! What happened?!" Stan growled. He couldn't believe that harassing Cartman was more important to his own best friend than obeying his wishes.

"W-Well, I demanded that Cartman remove the restraining order...He got all freaked out and he...fell out of his bed..." Kyle shamefully explained.

"He got hurt again?! Kyle, you could go to jail for this!" Stan snapped when their conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. Kyle answered the door to Officer Yates, who was glaring down at him in disapproval.

"Hello there, Mr. Brofloski...did ya happen to pay your good-ol' pal, Eric a little visit tonight?" Officer Yates growled suspiciously.

"Y-Yes sir but it won't happen again..." Kyle admitted with a shameful sigh.

"You're damn right it won't, Buster 'cause you're under arrest!" Officer Yates shouted as he forcefully began to handcuff Kyle.

"What?! No! You can't do this!" Kyle cried as he struggled against his restraints.

"Oh, yes I can! When ya broke that restrainin' order, Ya broke the law, kid..." Officer Yates huffed as he began to lead the frantic and literally kicking and screaming Kyle out to the police car that was parked outside, in front of his house. Stan just let out an annoyed sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose out of frustration. He couldn't believe the mess that Kyle had gotten himself into.

Meanwhile, Liane had returned to her son's hospital room to check up on both him and Margo. Nothing had changed since Cartman was still unconscious but breathing and Margo had never left his side.

"I've called the police; they said they've arrested Kyle and that he won't be able to bother Eric again..." Liane explained as she took a seat in the chair that was closest to Cartman's bed.

"Well, that's good..." Margo sighed, obviously still worried about her boyfriend.

"Don't worry, dearie; the doctors said that little Eric was going to be just fine..." Liane reassured as she placed a comforting hand on Margo's shoulder.

"This is all my fault...I shouldn'ta left him alone like that..." Margo sighed.

"This is not you're fault, dearie...You weren't the one that put little Eric in the hospital to begin with...You weren't the one that pushed him out of his bed...You were just being nice and getting him some cake..." Liane explained but Margo only sighed, still feeling rather worried and at fault.

"Don't worry, Eric; I'll never leave your side again...Even when ya think I'm not there...I'll be there..." Margo darkly promised.

"Old lady...Where's that cake we talked about?" Cartman coughed as he began to wake up.

"Eric!" Margo and Liane cried happily in unison as they both thankfully pulled Cartman into a hug that was way too tight for his injuries.

"Ah! AH! EASY!" Cartman cried out in pain, causing the two girls to release him.

"Sorry..." They both apologized in unison as Cartman dusted himself off while glaring at the two. Meanwhile, once Kyle had arrived at the police station, he immediately used his one phone-call to phone his parents.

"Mom? Dad? Cartman had me put in jail; can you come get me?" Kyle begged.

"In jail?! How on Earth did he do that?!" Sheila exclaimed.

"W-Well, I sorta broke the restraining order he had against me and he...got hurt again..." Kyle shamefully explained.

"You what?! Haven't we taught ya better than that, bubby?! Haven't we always taught ya to abide by the law?!" Sheila snapped.

"Y-Yes, I know and I'm really sorry but can you please just come and get me?" Kyle begged once again.

"The answer is no, Kyle..." Sheila growled in disappointment.

"What?! Why?!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Because ya broke that law and now you're going to stay in prison and think about what you've done, young man!" Sheila snapped, before hanging up on her son. Kyle sighed as he was lead back to his holding cell by two of the officers. Tonight was going to be a long night for him.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	7. Mad Mar

Kyle sat alone, in his holding cell while resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands when his thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Officer Yates loudly opening up the cell's door.

"Alright kid, you're free to go; someone paid your bail..." Officer Yates announced as Kyle exited his jail cell in confusion of who could have possibly wanted to pay his bail. Kyle was then surprised to see Stan approaching him.

"Stan? But how?" Kyle questioned how his best friend was able to pay and afford his bail when they were both only eight years old.

"I convinced my parents to pay your bail. They also agreed to let you stay with me for a little while since your parents are probably still mad..." Stan explained.

"Oh, thank you, Stan! Thank you! Thank you!" Kyle sobbed gratefully as he practically clung to his best friend. Now that he was free, he could take out his revenge on Cartman for ruining his life, starting by taking his new girlfriend from him like he took Patty Nelson.

Meanwhile, Cartman had just been discharged from the hospital. He said his goodbyes to Margo, before his mother had taken him back to his house. Margo watched them leave forlornly as she worried for her new boyfriend's safety.

"Don't worry, Eric...I'll never leave ya..." Margo whispered as she secretly began to stalk and follow Liane's car so she could be sure that Cartman would return home safely.

"Ah, it feels good to be back home..." Cartman sighed in relief as he slowly changed into his pajamas, unaware that Margo was watching him from his bedroom window, outside. It was then that the lightning had flashed since it was now raining outside, startling Cartman, before he even had a chance to button up his pajama shirt as he turned suddenly to face the window. Margo let out a shrill, high-pitched gasp once Cartman had spotted her and then opened the window to question.

"Margo?! What the Hell are ya doin'?!" Cartman angrily demanded.

"N-No...wait..." Margo gasped as she held her hands up defensively.

"Get in here, before ya catch your death!" Cartman ordered as he was concerned for his girlfriend's health, due to the amount of rain that was pouring down onto her head.

"Y-You want me to come inside?" Margo asked in confusion. No boy has ever let her come inside of their house before.

"Yes! It's rainin' like a two-twated cow, pissin' on a flat rock out here! Now get in here, before ya end up in the hospital next!" Cartman worriedly exclaimed as Margo climbed in through his bedroom window, now sopping wet.

"Aw, look at ya; you're soaked!" Cartman worriedly complained as Margo removed her wet and muddy shoes. This is the first time any boy has ever shown concern for her and she couldn't help but feel touched.

"What the Hell were ya doin' out there anyways?" Cartman finally decided to ask.

"O-Oh, I just wanted to give ya these..." Margo replied as she handed Cartman a sopping-wet bouquet of flowers and a heart-shaped box of chocolates.

"Thanks but ya coulda just knocked on my door; I wouldn'ta minded a visit from ya..." Cartman explained as he accepted the wet and soggy chocolates and flowers.

"Y-Ya wouldn'ta?" Margo questioned. No boy has ever enjoyed her company before.

"Of course not. You're my girlfriend; aren't ya?" Cartman reminded as he was already beginning to devour the chocolates, despite how soggy and slightly-melted they were.

"R-Right...It's just that no guy's ever been this..." Margo began to explain but was cut off when Cartman had suddenly caressed her cheeks and had begun to passionately kiss her on the lips. Margo's eyes widened slightly in surprise, before they slowly began to flutter shut out of pleasure as she wrapped her arms around Cartman's neck. Cartman kissed her a bit more intently as he moved his hands down to her hips. The two began to passionately make out as Cartman slowly began to unbutton Margo's sopping-wet, double-breasted coat, before removing it completely and letting it drop to the floor, revealing Margo's pastel-pink, cashmere-sweater and violet, mini-skirt.

The kissing couple then fell onto Cartman's bed as Cartman gently forced his tongue into Margo's mouth, beginning to explore the inside of it. Margo could taste the sweetness of the cake that Cartman had consumed at the hospital as her tongue gently began to play and wrestle with Cartman's tongue until her tongue had managed to force its way into his mouth as well. Their soft lips slowly became moist as they aggressively smacked together while Margo's tongue began to explore the inside of Cartman's mouth. Margo took notice that her boyfriend's mouth held a slight, metallic taste to it and felt softer than her own mouth as her tongue gently felt along the roof of her boyfriend's mouth. Cartman briefly pulled away to fully remove his still-unbuttoned, pajama-shirt, before beginning to plant small, gentle kisses upon Margo's neck as she tilted her head back from pleasure.

The young coulpe's make-out session was interrupted however, by Cartman's Mother entering the room to check up on her son.

"Oh goodness!" Liane gasped at the realization of what she had just walked in on.

"Mom! Get outta here! Margo's barefoot and I don't have a shirt on!" Cartman complained as he used a pillow to cover up his bare chest with a blush of embarrassment.

"Sorry poopsykins..." Liane couldn't help but giggle but then she left when Cartman had thrown his pillow at her. Margo couldn't help but giggle herself at the situation, provoking as small chuckle from Cartman as well. Meanwhile, Kyle was sitting on Stan's bed with his laptop, signing up for his online classes when Stan had entered the room to check up on him.

"Hey Kyle, how are you doing buddy?" Stan asked in concern.

"Oh, I'm fine; just signing up for my online classes." Kyle reassured.

"Alright well, I'll leave you to it then, dude." Stan nodded with a small smile, before exiting the room. Once Kyle was sure that Stan was gone, he pulled up Facebook and immediately pulled up Cartman's Facebook page. Cartman was indeed in a new relationship with the girl that Kyle had met at the hospital and Kyle now knew that her name was 'Margo McCartney'.

"Perfect...Kyle smirked to himself, before sending her a private message on Facebook. Margo's cellphone beeped while she was cuddling the now-sleeping Cartman in her arms as she quickly picked up her phone to see that she had received a private message from Kyle. She glared down at the message once she had recognized Kyle as the boy that had harmed her boyfriend, before opening up the message to see what he could possibly have to say to her. The message read: Hey there, Margo; is it?

It's me, the kid from the hospital. I know we got off on the wrong page but allow me to introduce myself; my name is Kyle Brofloski and your boyfriend isn't the perfect person that you think he is. He is racist and sexist and he lost his last girlfriend, Patty Nelson because of his behavior. I just wanted to warn you before you went too far with him. You seem like a nice girl and you deserve better.

Margo's eyes widened slightly when she had finished reading the message. The only thing that had really stuck out to her in Kyle's message was that Cartman had once had a girlfriend by the name of Patty Nelson. She quickly tapped the highlighted name and was quickly taken to Patty Nelson's Facebook page where she had just updated her status to single a couple of days ago and had followed up her status update with a bunch of insults directed at Cartman. Margo's glare slowly began to return once she realized that this girl had hurt Cartman when they had broken up and she was indeed going to make her pay for what she had done to her boyfriend.

"I'll take care of it..." Margo replied to Kyle's message to give him a slight feeling of satisfaction so he would leave her alone, before turning off her phone. Kyle mentally cheered to himself as he was convinced that his plan had worked.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	8. Mad Mar Strikes Again

The next day, Kyle waited until Stan and his sister had left for school and Stan's parents had left for work, before taking out his cellphone to call Kenny.

"Hey dude, you in yet?" Kyle whispered into the phone.

"Yeah dude, I'm in..." Kenny replied. His voice was clear because he was no longer wearing his parka. He needed to wear Middle Park Elementary's school uniform in order to sneak into the school and spy on Margo and Patty Nelson.

"Okay, what are they doing now?" Kyle asked eagerly.

"It looks like Margo's leavin' Patty a note..." Kenny replied as he watched Margo scribble something down on a pastel-pink piece of paper, before sticking it into one of the slots of Patty Nelson's locker.

"That's good! sneak over and read what it says!" Kyle snickered. Kenny waited until Margo had left, before sneaking over to the locker and pulling the note out to read it.

"It says: Meet me on the school roof at ten P.M. to talk about bad relationships..." Kenny read the note out loud to Kyle.

"This is too rich! I bet she's planning to get together with Patty so they can both prank Cartman!" Kyle snickered. Kenny rolled his eyes but then he put the note back into the locker's slot and ran back outside of the school once he saw Patty Nelson approaching.

"Huh? What's this?" Patty questioned to herself as she removed the note from her locker's slot to read it.

"Well, I suppose I should meet them..." Patty mumbled to herself before checking the time. It was now nine-fifty. She hurried to make her way to the school roof to meet up with her anonymous messenger.

"She's headin' up to the roof!" Kenny announced into the phone as he stealthily but quickly followed after her to see what was going on.

"Tell me what they say..." Kyle whispered, excitedly into the phone as Kenny had finally managed to make his way up to the school's roof to find Patty waiting near the edge. He then watched as Margo stealthily made her way out from behind one of the water tanks and quietly crept up behind the unsuspecting Patty.

"Alright, Margo's makin' her way over to her..." Kenny whispered into the phone as Kyle was practically bursting with excitement about what he thought was going to lead to his sworn enemy's humiliation. Kenny then gasped in horror and dropped his cellphone when he saw Margo shove Patty into the safety rail of the roof.

"Hey! What are you...?!" Patty gasped but was cut off when Margo had grabbed ahold of her ankles and lifted her up effortlessly. Patty and Kenny barely had any time to register what was happening when Margo had suddenly thrown Patty from the school's roof, removing her shoes in the process. Kenny watched in horror as he could hear Patty's shrill screams. He then flinched when he heard the sickening splat of Patty's body coming in contact with the concrete below.

"Kenny? Kenny?! What's going on?!" Kyle frantically questioned through the phone but his worried questioning went unheard as Kenny began to tremble with fear. He watched as Margo placed a fake, suicide-note on top of Patty's shoes, before turning to face him while twitching profusely with a deranged look in her eyes.

"You monster!" Kenny roared, attempting to sound as intimidating as possible, despite his fear as he charged toward Margo. Margo pulled a knife from the pocket of her coat but Kenny was quick to grab ahold of her arms in an attempt to restrain her. The two struggled to gain dominance over the other until Margo had finally managed to snatch her knife-wielding arm away from Kenny and stab him in the forehead with the knife. Margo smirked sadistically to herself as Kenny fell to the ground, dead.

"Kenny? Kenny?!" Kyle questioned again. His eyes widened when he heard Margo's psychotic laughter through the phone, before the call was cut off.

"I need to get over there..." Kyle realized as he quickly began changing into his day cloths. Meanwhile, Margo had just finished dragging Kenny's corpse to the front of the school and over to the incinerator, thankfully without being spotted by any of the other students. She then threw Kenny's corpse into the incinerator, along with the knife, Kenny's now-crushed, cellphone and her blood-spattered coat, before turning on the incinerator and allowing the evidence to burn. Her school uniform was now visible as she made her way over to the janitor's closet to retrieve a mop and bucket so she could clean up the bloody mess on the school's roof.

Meanwhile, when Kyle had finally made his way over to Middle Park, he was met with the sight of police cars surrounding the building. He watched in shock and utter horror as two of the police zipped Patty Nelson's corpse up into a body bag.

"What happened?!" Kyle gasped.

"A young girl committed suicide, apparently over a bad relationship..." Officer Yates replied as what had really happened began to click within Kyle's mind.

"Looks like Mad Mar struck again..." A scrawny boy with messy, black hair and a black trench coat sighed as he solemnly approached Kyle.

"Mad Mar?" Kyle questioned, still in disbelief.

"You haven't heard of Mad Mar? The crazy bitch stalked me for a month until I finally called the cops on her!" The boy complained.

"M-Margo's a stalker?" Kyle squeaked, nervously.

"Yeah! Why? Are you her next target?" The boy asked in concern.

"No but I know someone who is..." Kyle grinned evilly. Now he could get this boy to burst Cartman's little love-bubble for him. Later that day, after Kyle had told the boy everything about who Margo was currently dating, the boy had made his way over to South Park Elementary to find Cartman. He finally recognized Cartman by the description that Kyle had given him as he made his way over to the overweight-Nazi, who was currently playing a game of football with Craig, Clyde and Butters.

"Hey, are you Eric?" The boy asked, gaining Cartman's attention.

"My name's Grant; I'm from Middle Park." The boy explained his situation as the two exchanged a quick handshake. Margo was making her way over to Cartman to check up on him and make sure that he was safe but she stopped in her tracks when she noticed her ex flame talking to him. She felt her heart sink into her stomach. Cartman would never speak to her again once her jerk ex was through with him.

"I've come to talk to you about Margo..." Grant began in a serious tone.

"Why? Are ya her buttonhole ex?" Cartman growled as he narrowed his eyes.

"Ex?! We never even dated! The crazy bitch stalked me!" Grant replied.

"Stalked ya, huh?" Cartman raised an eyebrow, clearly not taking the boy seriously as he clenched his fists. He wondered how this kid could even dare to treat a wonderfully-nice girl, like Margo like garbage then have the nerve to talk trash about her to her new boyfriend. He must be a really ungrateful person.

"Yeah, I'm serious dude: she would always bring me candy and pieces of cake, she would keep track of my school hours and show up every time, she would follow me to my house and leave flowers and chocolates on my doorstep and sometimes she would even watch me through my windows!" Grant complained as Margo's eyes began to tear up at all of the insults directed toward her. She, Butters, Clyde, Craig and Grant were all caught off guard however, when Cartman had suddenly let out a war-cry and tackled Grant to the ground.

"Gosh-darnit, Eric! Stop it, gosh-darnit! It's not w-worth it!" Butters panicked as Craig and Clyde watched the situation unfold with amusement. Margo couldn't see much of what was happening since Grant and Cartman had disappeared behind a mound of snow from where she was standing. All she could see were Grant's legs sticking straight up from behind the mound of snow and trembling, before draping lifelessly over the top of the mound.

Margo just had to see what was happening as she made her way to the other side of the snow mound to find Cartman nearly strangling the life out of her ex. She was surprised to see that he was even still alive, judging by how pale his face was beginning to turn.

"Don't ya ever talk bad about my girl again! Ya understand me, douche-bag?!" Cartman roared but Grant only coughed and gagged in response.

"Blink if ya understand me!" Cartman spat as Grant blinked profusely in response. Cartman finally released him as Grant crawled away from him coughing and gasping for air.

"You two deserve each other..." Grant gagged, before quickly scrambling back up to his feet and running away from Cartman.

"That was so sweet of you to stand up for me like that, Eric..." Margo smiled as she gently hugged Cartman's arm, causing him to jump in surprise.

"Oh, Margo! Well, I couldn't let him talk trash about my girl like that..." Cartman shyly bragged with a small blush, before Margo gave him a gentle peck on the lips to reward him.

"Hey, where's your coat?" Cartman questioned once he noticed that Margo was no longer wearing it.

"It's a long story..." Margo replied with a mischievous giggle.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	9. Heavy Cargo

Later that night, Grant was walking home from school, late at night because he had gotten detention for skipping his last class when he had left his school to confront Cartman. He muttered several complaints about the situation underneath his breath since he felt that his efforts to warn another one of Margo's victims had gone unappreciated. Since Grant was too engulfed in his mumbled-complaints to notice his surroundings, he was unaware of the shadowy, ominous figure that was currently sneaking up behind him with a sharp knife until it was too late. Grant let out a scream of both surprise and pain once Margo had stabbed him in the jugular vein with a box cutter as he fell to the ground, holding his now-bleeding throat and gasping for air. He rolled over onto his back to view his attacker and he was horrified to see the twitching and wild-eyed Margo standing over him with a Cheshire Cat-like grin.

"I...warned ya...I WARNED YA!" Margo screeched as she knelt down near Grant and grabbed ahold of the handle of the box cutter that was currently protruding from his throat.

"Y-Ya know? I did a lot for ya...I killed everyone who picked on ya...I brought ya sweets...and I even gave ya all the love and attention that most boys so desperately crave from girls...and what do ya do? Ya call the cops and get a temporary-restainin' order against me...

Now, that wasn't very nice, after all the nice things I did for ya...Boys like you are always so ungrateful when girls like me try to do nice things for ya and ya wonder why we wanna kill ya..." Margo snickered with a deranged grin as Grant was now beginning to sob and tremble with fear.

"Margo?!" Cartman gasped, dropping his book bag on the ground once he saw what was happening. He too was returning to his home from school, late because he too had gotten detention for an unrelated incident.

"N-No...Wait..." Margo gasped as she stood back up to her feet with a look of terror and held her hands up defensively. The love of her life had noticed her at the worst possible time and now he knew what she was really like.

"How could you kill this poor...?!" Cartman began sternly as he placed his hands on his hips in disapproval.

"No! No! Eric, please; it's not what ya think!" Margo begged as she began shaking her head profusely.

"Cocksucker without me?" Cartman finished his sentence with a small smirk as he pulled a circular saw from his book bag and turned it on. Margo was caught off guard by this at first but once it had registered within her brain that her boyfriend was completely on her side, she gave off a small smirk and stepped aside from Grant's body to allow Cartman to do his worst to him. Grant coughed and gagged in an attempt to beg for his life, before Cartman knelt down, in front of him and used the circular saw to dismember Grant's limbs and head from his torso while he was still alive. Once the job was done, Cartman stood back up to his feet and wiped the sweat from his forehead while Margo dragged an empty, guitar-case over to him.

"Quick! Put the limbs in here!" She instructed as Cartman began to load Grant's arms, legs, head and torso into the guitar case. The couple then quickly closed it up and locked it, before helping each other carry it back toward Margo's house.

"My parents are out on vacation so we shouldn't have any trouble burnin' this bastard in my fireplace..." Margo snickered as she unlocked and opened the front door to her house for Cartman while he pushed in the guitar case that was full of Grant's body parts. Margo quickly lit a fire and the two helped each other toss the guitar case into the fireplace then began to make out passionately with each other, in front of the fireplace while listening to Grant's body crackle and burn within the flames all the while.

"Margo? Ya really have made this a night to remember or should I say dismember?" Cartman joked with a small chuckle once he had pulled away from the kiss. His joke had provoked a small giggle from Margo as well.

"Wait here, Eric; I'm gonna go get us some celebratory Rubens." Margo grinned, before heading off to the kitchen to make them both some Ruben sandwiches.

"Rubens? That's Jew-food..." Cartman noted, before taking this opportunity to scan Margo's living room. He was quick to spot a menorah, a star of David necklace and a picture of Margo's father, wearing a traditional kippah.

"M-Margo's a...?! She can't be a...a..." Cartman gasped in horror once he realized the painful truth that his new girlfriend was indeed Jewish. He mentally kicked himself for not doing a background check on her as he clutched his painfully-racing heart, fell to the floor, on his back and began to convulse violently. At this moment, Margo had returned to the living room with the sandwiches but she dropped them on the ground once she saw the state that her boyfriend was currently in.

"Eric!" She gasped as she rushed over to her boyfriend's aid.

"Eric, what's the matter?! Is it your heart?!" Margo questioned, attempting to grab ahold of Cartman's arm to support him but he just shoved her away.

"DON'T YA DARE TOUCH ME!" He snapped.

"W-Why?! What'd I do?!" Margo gasped. Had she really ruined things with another boy this quickly?

"Ya didn't tell me ya were a filthy Jew!" Cartman snapped as he stood back up to his feet and pointed an accusing finger at her.

"E-Eric I..." Margo began, appearing deeply hurt by his insults toward her religion.

"YA STAY AWAY FROM ME, YA JEW-RAT!" Cartman roared as he backed away from her. He felt betrayed that she had kept this from him as tears had begun to stream down his cheeks.

"I let ya touch my food and everything...What if your Jew-germs rubbed off on me?!" Cartman gagged as he turned his back to her, feeling rather unclean.

"Oh Eric..." Margo sobbed, her eyes beginning to tear up as well as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I said don't touch me!" Cartman growled as he turned around sharply to face. He then slapped her across her cheek, provoking a gasp of both pain and surprise from her, before storming out of her house and quickly taking off running down the street.

"E-Eric, wait!" Margo cried as she was quick to chase after him.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Cartman snapped as he ran right past Kyle, who had exited Stan's house because of the commotion he had heard.

"Can't we talk about this?!" Margo begged when she was stopped by Kyle.

"W-Whoa! Margo, what's the matter?" Kyle asked, faking concern even though he was secretly glad that something had gone wrong between the two. Maybe Margo had stolen his underwear or sniffed his shoes or something like that.

"E-Eric doesn't love me anymore..." Margo sobbed.

"Why not?" Kyle asked as he tried in vain not to smirk.

"B-Because I'm a f-filthy Jew-rat..." Margo sniffled, repeating the exact-same words that Cartman had spoken to her.

"WHAT?!" Kyle shouted, outraged by Cartman breaking things off with Margo for such a prejudice reason. Sure he wanted them to break up but not over something like this.

"Oh! What am I gonna do?! What am I gonna do?!" Margo panicked. She just wanted her boyfriend back and she would do anything to get him back.

"There's nothing you can do..." Kyle sighed when an idea suddenly sparked within Margo's mind.

"I can convert! That's it, I'll convert! He'll love me again if I convert!" Margo gasped with a small, relieved laugh, before running off to find the nearest church.

"No! Margo, wait!" Kyle called out, in an attempt to stop Margo but she merely ignored him and continued on her way to find the nearest church.

"Unbelievable! I am gonna give that son of a bitch a piece of my mind!" Kyle snapped, before quickly running off toward his sworn enemy's house. He didn't even care about the restraining that Cartman had against him order at this point.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	10. Veil Lifted: Final

It had taken some time and quite a bit of Margo's breath, but she had finally reached her destination; the South Park Colorado Catholic Church. She smiled, knowing that they wouldn't hesitate to convert her and that she would get the love of her life back for sure. She timidly approached the altar, where a large, concrete statue of Jesus being crucified was perched. She stared up at it in awe because it seemed to tower over her, in all its greatness.

"Hello, how can I help you Ms.?" Father Maxi interrupted Margo from her thoughts as he approached her. Briefly startled, Margo quickly turned around to face him, but then relaxed once she realized that it was only the church's priest.

"Y-Yeah, I-I'm Jewish but I wanna convert to Christianity..." Margo timidly explained as she twiddled her thumbs nervously.

"First of all, It's Catholicism, not 'Christianity', and secondly, this is a very serious matter; in order to convert, we will have to preform an exorcism on you right away! Wait here while I get my Bible, Holy-Water and Crucifix!" Father Maxi panicked before rushing off to the back of the church. Margo couldn't help but feel a bit empty inside as she stared back up at the statue of Jesus. Did she really want to give up everything she knew for someone she was dating?

She did believe in God and she did hear the story of Adam and Eve. She knew that her relationship with Cartman was meant to be. Maybe she was meant to convert. Maybe there was more to Jesus than she initially though. She examined the statue closely and took notice of the nails driven into Jesus' hands, his starved, thin body and the crown of thorns he wore upon his head. Did he really make that big of a sacrifice just to spare the soul of someone as insignificant as her?

She kept her eyes in contact with the statue's eyes as she sank down to her knees. She then gradually closed her eyes and lowered her head, before beginning to pray from the bottom of her heart.

"Please...Jesus...I just want to know you...I don't just want to convert...I want it to mean something...Please...

Just show me the way, the-truth and the light..." Margo prayed as she looked back up at the statue. Just then, the clouds had parted, allowing the moonlight to shine down upon the statue's face. The statue's eyes reflected the light, shining it down upon Margo, like a spotlight. The light felt cooling but somehow warming at the same time and she could feel the light seeping into her body, cleansing her, healing her.

"You are ready to have your veil removed..." A deep but soothing voice spoke as Margo could now see a black, stringy veil, draped over her face, that she had never noticed before. The veil then lifted from her face and floated above her head, turning into a golden halo. She could see everything clearly now. Margo looked up toward the skylight and allowed the healing, cleansing light to pour onto her face as she raised her arms up toward Heaven, acceptingly, surrendering herself to Christ.

She then began to float off of the ground and into the air as two bright-white, angel wings sprouted from her back. Seven, large, thorny vines then began to sprout from the ground around her in a perfect circle as she opened her now-white and glowing eyes.

"Okay, I'm back! Are you ready for...?" Father Maxi began until he saw the sight in front of him, causing him to drop his Bible, Holy-Water and Crucifix as the Holy Water's glass vile shatter into pieces onto the floor. One of the thorny vines that had sprouted from the ground then slashed Father Maxi across the chest, causing him to scream in pain and agony. It burned because he was never a true believer.

Margo then floated out of the church's front door with the thorny vines still circling around her. Meanwhile, Cartman had just finished packing up all of his belongings. He let out a sigh of defeat and questioned if he would ever truly be happy. He was so hurt by Margo's betrayal that he decided to runaway to a place that would be more accepting of him. He planned on going to Germany since he figured that Jewish people weren't allowed there as he headed out of his room and toward the staircase. He was surprised to see Kyle standing at the top of the stairs, waiting for him though.

"You son of a bitch...Margo cared about you! I may not have thought you deserved her, but breaking up with her over her religion?! That's a new low, even for you, Cartman!" Kyle scolded, but Cartman merely rolled his eyes.

"Look Kyle, I'm runnin' away to Germany, where Jews ain't welcome; ya won't have to worry about me anymore..." Cartman explained as he shoved his way past Kyle. He then gasped in horror once he had tripped over the top step and had begun to tumble down the stairs.

"Cartman!" Kyle cried out as he watched Cartman roll all the way to the bottom of the stairs in horror. Just at that moment, Stan had burst in through the door that Kyle had left open to see Cartman unconscious at the bottom of the stairs and Kyle standing at the very top. He then glared up at Kyle as it had begun to click within his mind that Kyle had pushed Cartman down the stairs.

"Again Kyle?" Stan growled in disapproval.

"N-No! No! I didn't; I swear!" Kyle defended in vain. Kyle and Stan's conversation was interrupted however, when a large, thorn-covered vine reached in, through the front door and wrapped itself around Stan.

"Stan!" Kyle gasped as Stan was snatched out through the front door and flung through the night sky. The same thorny vine then knocked a large hole into the wall, revealing Margo and all her glory.

"Margo?!" Kyle gasped.

"I know whatcha really are...the veil has been lifted..." Margo growled Darkly, narrowing her brightly-glowing eyes at him.

"W-What do you...What?!" Kyle questioned in confusion. He had no idea what was happening. Before he even had time to think, one of Margo's vines shot up the staircase after him and slammed him against the wall, hard enough to crack it slightly. Kyle screamed in great pain as the vine's thorns pierced his skin, causing a stinging sensation to ring throughout his body.

Kyle wailed in pain until he had finally become dizzy from the pain and had passed out. Once Kyle was unconscious, Margo's angel wings, halo and vines had all disappeared as she gently lowered herself to the ground. She quickly rushed to Cartman's aid.

"Eric? Eric?! Speak to me!" She shouted, but there was no response since Cartman was unconscious. Margo quickly carried Cartman into her arms. She was fairly strong so his weight didn't effect her as she carried him to the nearest hospital.

When Cartman came to, he had awoken to Margo, worriedly standing over him. Even after he had broken up with her over her religion, she still stayed by his side and rescued him from his sworn enemy. Cartman couldn't help but feel both touched and guilty as he was now beginning to realize that maybe Jews really weren't as bad as he thought they were.

"Y-Ya saved me...After everything I did...After everything I said...Ya still saved me...Maybe Jews ain't so bad after all...

I'm sorry, Margo..." Cartman apologized with tear-filled eyes but Margo only hugged him tightly in response.

"I-It's okay, Cartman...I converted to Christianity...For you...I've seen the way, the truth and the light now, and I've been saved..." Margo explained.

"Y-Ya converted...for me? Oh Margo...Ya really are my perfect match, made in Heaven..." Cartman sniffled as he hugged her back just as tightly. He then hissed, lightly in pain from his injuries and released her.

"Goodnight in the mornin'! I haven't been this sore since Wendy Testaburger beat me up..." Cartman sighed.

"Who beat you up?" Margo asked, darkly as she narrowed her eyes. The next day, Kyle and Stan had managed to survive their dangerous encounter with Margo, having only suffered minor injuries. Stan was covered in scratches and cuts since a briar patch had broken his fall and Kyle had a cross-shaped, burn mark on his forehead.

"I'm really disappointed in you, dude...I told you if you didn't stay out of it, that something bad would happen, I told you that things would get too out of hand!" Stan growled as he got himself ready for school.

"I said I was sorry!" Kyle defended.

"Sorry doesn't mean anything if you keep doing it!" Stan snapped, before storming out of his house and slamming the door, hard enough to make Kyle flinch. Kyle sighed sadly. Stan was really angry with him now. Maybe he really did go too far and let things get out of hand with Cartman.

He made his way to Stan's kitchen to make himself some breakfast, unaware that Margo had somehow snuck into Stan's house and was now watching him. She watched as Kyle used a knife that was a bit too sharp to spread jelly onto a piece of toast. She then waited for him to leave the kitchen and head back upstairs, to Stan's room before exiting her hiding spot and retrieving the knife with a small snicker. She was currently wearing a pair of latex gloves to keep her finger prints from mixing with Kyle's finger prints that were on the knife's handle as she quickly but stealthily exited Stan's house and quickly hurried off to the school that Cartman went to. There, she caught up with Stan's girlfriend, Wendy, tapping her on the shoulder to get her attention.

"Oh, hey Margo!" Wendy smiled. She thought Margo was sweet and was glad that Cartman finally had someone in his life to ease his constantly-fowl mood. Because of this, she was unaware of Margo's true nature and was currently unaware of the fact that Margo was about to make her pay for what she had done to her boyfriend.

"Hey, Wendy! I got somethin' cool to show ya in the school's cellar!" Margo explained with false excitement. She then lead Wendy down to the school's basement.

"Okay, what did you want to show me?" Wendy questioned. She gasped in pain, surprise and horror however, when Margo had pulled the knife that Kyle had used from her skirt pocket and had used it to stab Wendy to death. Once Wendy was dead, Margo had dropped the knife, before quickly heading over to the school's incinerator, being careful not to be seen by any of the other students. She then removed the gloves and her bloody, cashmere-sweater, revealing her orange and black-frilled tank top, before tossing the evidence into the incinerator and burning it. She then began to laugh manically as the evidence burned within the incinerator.

Later that day, the corpse of Wendy Testaburger was discovered by Tweak, who was quick to panic and frantically tell everyone in the school. Principal Victoria issued a school lockdown and called the police. During the investigation, the police found a knife stained with the blood of Wendy Testaburger and covered with the finger prints of Kyle Brofloski. The police were quick to locate Kyle with the help of an enraged Stan and were quick to arrest the Jewish boy.

"You're goin' to Juvie for a long time, kid..." Officer Harrison Harris Yates growled, Sternly as he forced Kyle into the back of his police car.

"What?! But I didn't kill her; I swear!" Kyle defended.

"Tell it to the judge, kid..." Yates growled as he slammed the car door in Kyle's face.

"Come on, Stan; you believe me, right? Tell them I didn't do it!" Kyle begged as he pressed his face against the car's window.

"K-Kyle...I'm done..." Stan snarled as he fought back tears.

"Bebe?" Kyle questioned as he glanced over to his soon-to-be ex girlfriend.

"S-She was my best friend...It's over Kyle..." Bebe sniffled. Kyle then looked over to see Margo smirking at him, sinisterly while waving 'goodbye' to him.

"NOOOOOO!" Kyle screamed as he finally realized what had happened, but it was too late because he was taken to Juvie and he would be staying there for a very long time. As time went on, Cartman was finally released from the hospital and he and Margo went on dates regularly, whether it was dinner or lunch at a nice restaurant, a quiet game on the playground, a walk in the park or simply just hanging out at the other's house. Margo eventually convinced everyone that Cartman really was a good person and was able to raise his reputation within a month without Kyle or Wendy around. Cartman had gained the popularity, friends and girlfriend that he had been craving for so long within a month and if Kyle were to ever get out of Juvie somehow, he would quickly discover that he and Cartman had switched places on the reputation chain.

THE END...


End file.
